How do I talk to you idiots?
I already have a Jabber account because I am cool
If you already have and use a Jabber/XMPP account, and know what a conference is, then just come and join firstname.lastname@example.org.
I have a Google Talk account
If your XMPP account is via Google Talk or Gmail or whatever forget about it and sign up with us or some other provider (there are lots). Google are all about HangoutsAllo (or maybe something else again by now) now, their XMPP support is rapidly deteriorating, and it never worked that well to start with. If you get connected by some miracle, you’ll end up dropping in and out of the conference constantly and I’ll ban you.
How do I set up Pidgin or Adium or whatever?
There’ll be a nice fancy write-up on connections here one day, with screenshots and buckets of information about various clients, but for now, look, just use the web client to get into the channel and if you have issues you can just ask someone in there. We’ll probably tell you to get out, then insult your mother, then mock your favourite video game, and then embrace you as a long lost sibling and buy you a beer.
Then tell you to get out again.